


Your heart will grow

by lillaseptember



Series: Time really moves fast [7]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, I'm Sorry, Kid Fic, M/M, Minor Character Death, There is a death, This Is Sad, because that's what i built her up to be, but she's still just an oc so, fbewuof i wanted to put faith as a major character death, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 17:49:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9835532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillaseptember/pseuds/lillaseptember
Summary: The story of how Ransom and Holster became fathers.Or; The story of Faith and Hope.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Holsom!Dads or Holsom!Angst you ask? Why not both I answer.

Ransom and Holster had never _planned_ on becoming parents.

They were quite content in the little life they had carved out for themselves. They both had jobs that they were mostly excited for getting out of bed for in the mornings; Ransom had after many years of studying and hard work ended up as a pathologist at the local hospital, while Holster ran his own little business downtown of helping other small companies with their finances. They had three dogs that they loved and spoiled more than they probably should; old and moony Bertha, tiny and grumpy Harry and spirited and hearty Opal. And most importantly; they had each other. 

They were slowly but steadily approaching their 40’s and they had all they could have ever hoped for.

Now, they liked kids, they _adored_ kids, and they were _good_ with them. They were everyone’s favorite uncles at family gatherings and they regularly babysat the rest of the SMH kiddos. They had even managed to keep the entire Bittlebunch alive for a _whole_ afternoon, which was a feat to say the least.

They were great with kids and they loved kids. But the thought of actually _raising_ one of those fragile little beings honestly scared the everliving fuck out of them.

They had played around with the idea of becoming foster parents a few times, but their busy schedules and sometimes ridiculous working hours combined with their uncertainty if they really were parent-material had convinced them that they would not be able to offer the stability and support that those kids needed.

And so they were content in just being the weird uncles, showering all of their biological and honorary nieces and nephews and niblings with all the love that they kept in their too big hearts. Yes, they were content with just being the weird uncles.

That was, until they suddenly weren’t anymore.

* * *

It had started out as a joke.

They had been up visiting Ransom’s family in Toronto for Canada Day, the Oluransi’s throwing their bi-yearly great get-together, all of Ransom’s cousins and second cousins and third cousins and aunts and uncles and and wives and husbands and partners and people he wasn’t even entirely sure of how he was related to all cramming into his uncle Kojo’s backyard. 

He had been standing nursing a much appreciated cold bear, watching Holster, his ridiculously gigantic and gigantically ridiculous husband, play hide and seek with the smallest ones. He acted dramatically surprised every time one of the kids found him, as if he wasn’t detectable trying to hide behind the slender apple tree from miles away, the kids howling with laughter each and every time, demanding that he carried them on his shoulders as a reward.

He had just been thinking about joining them when an arm had suddenly been slung across his shoulders, only just about succeeding in dragging him into a headlock.

“Hey Jumbo.”

Looking down at the lithe form that had managed to wrangle him into such a compromised position, he couldn’t help but to grin back at the smirk that greeted him.

“Hey Believer,” he replied as he wrapped a long arm around his cousin’s waist, dragging her into a dirty and much too familiar brawling match, ending with Faith doubling over and gasping for her breath, her infectious laughter tingling bright and clear as Ransom tried his best to straighten his by then ruined shirt as he chuckled softly.

Ransom and Faith, one year his senior, had always been an inseparable couple. His baba and aunt Ayo had always been close siblings, and Ransom and Faith had latched on to each other as a second set of siblings. Long before Ransom & Holster, there had always been Justin & Faith, getting up to all different kinds of shenanigans and running both of their parents crazy. They had managed to stay in good touch despite college and life and everything in between, and Ransom was glad to say that she wasn’t just one of his closest family, but friends in general.

Faith was an upbeat and spirited woman. She wore her heart on her sleeve and was always ready to believe the best in people. She was a complete and utter optimist, and would rather be caught dead than admitting that the glass was half empty. And even though Ransom felt like they couldn’t be more different at times, there were also times when they were more alike than they were either willing to admit.

Graduating at the top of her class, no matter what class, she was currently one of the most attractive architects on both sides of the Niagara Falls. Before that, she had turned down a very lucrative contract of professional soccer, after having led the USC to the championship title two years in a row. She always prioritized her loved ones before everything else, even when it was the most bullheaded thing she could do.

And with all of their differences and similarities, they had been thick as thieves ever since childhood.

But despite always having been a tightly knit couple who did their damndest at keeping in touch with each other, there was only so much you could do with seperate lives, careers and social circles. And watching Faith gently caressing her belly as she swept the tears from her eyes, he cracked into a brilliant grin.

“I heard the news, by the way!” He said as he gestured towards her stomach, bumping into her gently as he remembered what kind of state she was in. “Congratulations. I’m so happy for you.”

Faith’s face split into the wide smile that rose all the way up to her sparkling eyes, and her gaze quickly flicked down to where her hand was still caressing her belly before grinning up at him again.

“Thank you! I’m… _So excited.”_

Ransom laughed at that, seeing how she was practically vibrating out of her own skin in exhilaration, and he reached out a reassuring hand to calm her down before she accidentally did.

“You’re going to be a great mom.”

“I’m going to be a _single_ mom,” she said with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Ransom knew that she had debated with herself long and hard before committing to this very life-changing and, to some people, still quite unconventional procedure. But he also knew that she took pride in the accomplishment and that she wouldn’t let any non-believers get in her way.

Faith, the greatest woman, and human being in general, that Ransom had ever known, had had an unprecedented bad run of luck when it came to love. She had done it all, she had dumped and been dumped, broken off engagements and been left at the altar, had thrown boyfriends to the curb and had all of her obscure tea cup collection smashed.

But Faith Idowu was also the most baby sick person Ransom had ever met. He couldn’t even remember a time when Faith hadn’t been dreaming of having a little toddler of her own, _couldn’t even count_ all of the time she had recruited him into playing house with her, a doll almost always by her hip as children. She had scared off her first few boyfriends with her grand dreams of a family, others she had always subconsciously never felt comfortable committing to, and those few she had, it had just never worked out for.

So now, at the spry age of 37, she had finally decided to take the matter into her own hands.

And Ransom couldn’t be any more proud or excited for her.

But bumping into him a great deal more forcefully than he had previously done, she looked up at him with a shit eating grin.

“Speaking of, aren’t you and _Adam_ gonna get some babies soon?”

Ransom smiled tiredly at the familiar question, watching as Holster recruited Opal to play fetch with the children, laughing boisterously and loudly in the process, eventually ending up at the bottom of a large pile of kids and dogs, and his heart swelled pleasantly in his chest.

“You know we already have our hands full,” he said, the truth laid bare in a way that Faith could see, and she petted his arm in understanding.

“You’ll take care of mine if anything happens to me though, right?” She asked as she reached down to pick up Ransom’s abandoned beer bottle, moving to take a swig, but catching herself last minute and handing it over to Ransom instead, a chirping glint to her smirk.

And looking down at the one part of his better half, he grinned before bumping into her gently again.

“You got it sista.”

* * *

It had taken all the way to Thanksgiving before the joke turned into a tragedy.

“That’s my _aunt_ you’re talking about, dude.”

“She’s not _really_ your aunt though.”

“Bro. You’re _such_ an idiot.”

“I’m _your_ idiot.”

Holster waggled his eyebrows at him suggestively and Ransom just had time to mutter out a quick “oh my _god_ ” before he kissed him. He tasted of maple syrup and pale beer and everything that Ransom held dear.

Holster had once told him that one of the greatest things about marrying him had been that he got to celebrate a different Thanksgiving. The Birkholtz’ certainly knew how to party too, they had after all produced one Adam “Holster” Birkholtz; unofficial Kegster King of Samwell, but there was something special about the Oluransi family celebrations. The atmosphere was heavy but familiar, the crowd dense but comforting, the friendly hum of Ransom’s family seeping into his bones and reminding him of warm memories. And a deep, pleasant feeling spread to the bottom of his gut as Holster pulled him closer. 

Even though that might as very well have been his aunt Emily’s apple sherry cocktail finally kicking in.

“Justin!”

Hearing his own name somewhere in the distance, he pulled away from Holster, only just realizing that they had been standing making out like some lovesick teenagers in the corner of his grandma’s home. Trying to remember what his feet felt like, he looked up just in time to see Faith squeezing her way through the crowd, gently nudging at shoulders and trying to not step on toes. She finally appeared in front of them with a proud smile, her eyes twinkling and her skin glowing.

“Hi Adam,” she said as she grinned at them goofily, _she always grinned at them goofily_ , and walked over to pull him down into a hug. Holster looked way too pleased with himself as Ransom frantically tried to remind himself how to breathe, and he could practically hear Faith’s tinkling laughter in his head as she looked between them, the goofy tilt still clinging to her smile. “Can I talk to you two for a moment?”

“Yeah,” Ransom said, licking his lips dry, the taste of maple syrup and pale beer lingering as Holster’s hand landed comfortably on the small of his back as Faith led the way through the thick crowd, trying to find a more private place to talk.

Faith had always taken way too much pleasure in his and Holster’s relationship. Ransom would have found it more annoying than he did, knowing that it kept her hope in love alive. And so he let her continue rambling on as they all weaved through his many family members in search for a more secluded space to sit down.

“...I had a bet with my sisters!” Faith exclaimed as she finally wedged herself into one of the chairs at the small, abandoned table some way away from the worst crowd. Ransom could see Kojo handing out his special made lollipops, his mama fretting over a buffet tables and one of his nieces sipping on what looked like a particularly suspicious drink. His grandmother’s many candelabras was lit with live candles, every nook and crevice was filled with the scent of cinnamon and thyme and he had his two favorite people by his side. And Ransom was content. “I was _certain_ that Holster was going to make his move after graduation, but you chickened out on me!”

“It just wasn't the _time_ …” Holster argued as he sat down across from her, an amused glint in his eyes, and Ransom could only shake his head at his two idiots.

“Chicken!”

“ _Anyway_ ,” Ransom interrupted, trying to salvage what was left of the conversation. “You’re looking great, Believer.”

Faith took a deep breath to recompose herself, but managed to give Holster the stink eye before she turned to smile brightly at Ransom.

“Thank you,” she said as she ran a hand across her slowly swelling belly. Ransom smiled at the warmth in her eyes, at the love radiating from her, and he subconsciously reached for Holster’s hand. Pregnancy really did suit her, and he was so, _so_ happy for her. But Faith’s fond smile slowly turned rueful as she continued to rub her bump. “But speaking of. Do you remember at our gathering this summer, when I asked you if you to look after my baby if something happened to me?”

She looked up at them with her usually mischievous smirk, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Ransom felt the warm, pleasant feeling in his gut slowly turn cold, and he looked to Holster, uncertain as to where this was going, but his husband looked just as lost as he felt.

“...yeah.”

“Yeah,” she said as she smiled widely, but it was forced, and unnatural, and Ransom could see the panic struggling behind her eyes, and that only sent a wave of panic up his own spine. “Well, I kinda need you to put that on paper.”

Faith had tried so valiantly to keep the conversation light and untroubled, but this _wasn’t_ a conversation that you could keep light and untroubled. Ransom let go of Holster’s hand to turn his undivided attention to his cousin, and he could feel himself slipping into his work voice as he addressed her again.

“Faith, what’s going on?”

Her smile turned even wider, but the panic in her eyes grew wilder, and Ransom could feel his own heart cramp at the sight.

“I… Oh God,” she gasped as her strained smile finally fell, and she covered her mouth and closed her eyes as she took a moment to collect herself. Ransom exchanged a worried look with Holster, and waited patiently as Faith quickly fanned herself, taking a deep breath. “Okay, so, here’s… The _thing_.”

And then she looked Ransom square in the eyes.

“I have placenta previa.”

And Ransom’s entire world shattered in front of him.

“ _No_.”

“Yes,” she confirmed with a soft smile, but tears were slowly swelling in her eyes.

“Wait, hold up, go back a moment,” Holster abruptly cut in, bewilderedly looking between the two cousins. “I am neither a doctor nor pregnant, what does prevy-something mean?”

“It means that I…” Faith started, but her voice gave out on her.

“It means that Faith may not survive the pregnancy,” Ransom concluded for her, and reached out for Holster’s hand again, needing that anchor to ground him in the present. He could tell that Faith was already so scared, and the last thing she needed was for him to slip into panic too.

“What, wait, no, that’s not okay,” Holster declared as he squeezed Ransom’s hand harder, his voice rising a little too much for it to be a civil conversation. But his eyes held so much affection and worry as he inspected the woman in front of them. “Faith, you have to _do_ something.”

Faith smiled at him weakly, and there was still so much _love_ radiating off of her that it made Ransom’s heart ache.

“Adam, you’re so sweet, but I _want_ to do this.”

And Ransom could tell that Faith had already made up her mind, that she had already decided that this was her way to go, and once Faith Idowu had set her mind on something, there was no talking her out of it. But this was also his Faith they were talking about, his _Believer_ , and he was not ready to let this go without a fight.

“Faith, Believer, I _know_ how much this means to you, how long you’ve waited for it, but are you really ready to gamble your _life_ for it?”

She chuckled softly at him, which only made him all the more desperate, but she reached out to grab hold of his free hand before he could continue, and she just held onto it for a long time.

“I want this baby, Justin,” she finally said, and her tone of voice left no room for arguing. “And _believe_ me, I want nothing more than to raise this child on my own, to watch it grow and learn and love. But I _need_ a backup plan.”

But if there was one thing that Believer and Ransom did best, it was mindless arguing.

“Faith, you’re endangering both your _and_ the baby’s life, are you…”

She rolled her eyes at him, and her grin turned genuine again as she squeezed his hand harder.

“Justin, Jumbo… I _want_ this. I really, _really_ want this. And I’m doing it whether you want me to or not. But I really want you to support me through it.” 

“Of course we will.” They both turned to Holster, who had that stone set face of determination that meant that there was no other possibility than the one he had set his mind to, and he reached out to grab hold of Faith’s free hand, so that the three of them were connected in a small circle. “We got your back, Faith. You’ll make it through this. We’ll make sure of that.”

And Faith’s laugh stumbled on a hitch as she clutched both of their hands closer, but at least her tears seemed to have transformed into tears of joy.

“Thank you.”

* * *

Faith had signed all the official papers just before Christmas.

They were all spending the Christmas with Ransom’s family up in Toronto. There was a thin layer of snow covering the entire city outside, and the days had grown shorter, darker and colder. But his parents house was as always warm and pleasant and open and filled with light and laughter. The entire house smelled of gingerbread and his baba’s traditional pepper soup and _home_. No matter how old he got, coming to his parents would always be partly coming home. 

His nieces and nephews had gone to bed some time ago, with promises of Santa and gifts to come in the morning, and he and his sisters and cousins were helping their parents with the final preparations. Holster had been recruited by his baba along with his sisters to help out in the kitchen, while Ransom and Faith finished off the final decorations.

Ransom were just hanging things wherever his mama asked him to, while Faith was dressing the top half of the tree; the half the kids hadn’t been able to reach. Not that she was faring that much better, seeing how she had to climb up a small ladder to reach herself. And she was consulting with Harry on which decorations to hang up in the tree, the grumpy old terrier humming his approval at only the dullest of ornaments.

Ransom stopped for a moment after he had finished hanging up the final garlands, feeling the warmth and familiarity of his old childhood home, filled with so many pleasant and unforgettable memories, and he looked over to where Faith was just putting the finishing touches on the tree. Watching as she was slowly humming to herself, smiling softly as she stood on her tiptoes at the top of the ladder in order to put their old tree topper in place, he just had to ask.

“Why us?”

“What?”

“Why _us?_ ” he repeated. “We can barely take care of ourselves for Christ’s sake, let alone a baby,” he elaborated, finally wording his worries and anxiety making it all spill out in one big wave, and he started rambling. “Why did you pick us when you could just as well have picked Riley, or Michael, Michael already has three kids, he knows what he’s doing, and…”

“Justin,” Faith interrupted as she carefully climbed down the ladder, and then hastily stalked over to grab a gentle hold of him. “Jusin! Listen to me. There is _no one else_ I would rather have raising my child.”

Ransom’s breath hitched as he struggled to breathe, and that thought was just so _surreal_ , the thought that anyone believed that he and Holster could offer a child this. Warmth and safety and happiness. A _home._

And Faith smiled softly as she squeezed his shoulders tighter.

“You and Adam are _great_ with kids. You both have so much love to share that it’s practically _spilling out of you_ ,” she grinned as she carefully plucked a stray, tiny heart confetti from his skin, “and you’re some of the strongest people I know. Once you and Holster set your minds to something, you’re an unstoppable force, and you’re so fiercely caring that I’m lucky to be your family. And any kid would be proud to call you their parents.” 

Ransom chuckled wetly at her, and her tendency to exaggerate everything to the point of melodrama. Smiling at him, she paused for a moment, allowing him to catch his breath again. But he could see the moment her smile fell from her eyes, even as she fought to keep it on her lips.

“And _if_ I die....”

“Believer.”

“Then there’s no one else I’d have faith in to raise my child right, than you and Adam,” she declared determinedly, with nothing but resolution in her eyes, leaving no room for arguing.

And for once, Ransom decided to not fight her, and just reached out to grab hold of her hands, and held onto them for a long time. But when the tears burning at the back of his eyes didn’t seem to want to go away, he raised them to his lips and kissed them softly. 

“You’re gonna live, Faith,” he said as he raised his eyes to meet hers again, determined to get this all out before he lost his nerve. “There’s no doubt in my mind about it. You’re gonna live, and you’re gonna be the best mom there ever was, and you are going to raise the most beautiful child since my own blessed birth.” Faith scoffed at him derisively, but didn’t rebut him. “And they’re going to have the most incredible childhood ever, including you’re terrible taste in music and all.”

On this she _did_ choose to argue with him on though.

“I do _not_ have terrible taste in music.”

“You _do!”_ Ransom exclaimed as a grin tugged at his lips, relieved that the conversation had taken a little less serious direction. “And Holster will back me up - Right Holtzy?”

“What?” Holster asked as he stuck his head out from the kitchen. There was a frilly, pink apron tied around his neck, his hair was tousled and standing up at odd angles, and he narrowed his eyes behind a pair of slightly fogged up glasses as he inspected the scene in front of him. “You… _Really_ don’t have the right to criticize others taste in music darling.”

Then he ducked into the kitchen again, a snort broke out of Faith before she started laughing freely and uninhibitedly, and Ransom could feel his blood starting to boil.

“SAYS THE GUY WHO STILL LISTENS TO _ABBA._ ”

“They’re LEGENDARY,” came Holster’s snapping response, and Faith just started laughing harder as Ransom’s cheeks heated. She was clutching at her stomach, looking like she wanted to double over, but hobbled over to collapse in a chair instead, wiping at her eyes as the laughter kept spilling out of her as she listened to Ransom and Holster’s mindless bickering.

“Yes,” she said as her laughter finally died down, but with a chuckle still bright in her eyes. “There’s no one else I’d trust with my baby.”

* * *

They had helped her decorate the nursery after New Year’s.

Though it wasn’t so much as “help”, as it was “literally doing all the work”.

Faith had sat back on the rocking chair in the corner as she had instructed Holster where to paint with the gaudy yellow paint and Ransom where to place the giraffe shaped lamp. Holster and Ransom had bickered, Ransom and Faith had argued, and Faith and Holster had snarked, and they had all laughed so much Ransom’s cheeks hurt. And before he knew it, the previously empty room had been transformed into something straight out of a baby magazine’s wet dream.

Ransom could never have imagined that the mess of furnishing and decor that Faith had assembled in her living room and the many various sketches she had presented them with could result in anything other than a cluttered and atrocious disarray. But under Faith’s watchful eye and stern directions, it was slowly coming together to a rather charming and endearing little scene.

Then Holster had sworn loudly as Opal had run over one of the paint cans, sending brightly green splatters all along one of the walls. But Faith had just smiled softly and said that it brought “character” to the room.

And after a long and exhausting day they had all stood in the middle of the room, inspecting the work in front of them. Faith had slung her arms around the both of them as she had grinned brightly.

“Who needs a husband of your own when you have a cousin and _his_ husband, eh?”

* * *

She started bleeding a month too early.

Ransom’s heart had sank in his chest when he had seen Faith’s name flashing across his phone screen, and then it had frozen over when he heard her detached voice.

“Justin, there’s blood.”

“Shit,” was all he could say as he tried to get his brain to reboot. He could feel his panic building as he stared at the plain lab wall across from him, feeling reality slowly slip from his grip. He was stuck at work, he was stuck, and there was nothing he could do. He had to do _something._ But they had talked about this, they had talked about this, _they had a plan for this_. He just needed to _think_. “I… I’ll get Holster, and he’ll pick you up, and you need to lie down meanwhile, and…”

“Jumbo, I’m _fine_ ,” Faith said in that calm and reassuring voice of hers, and when Ransom closed his eyes, he could see her soft smile behind his eyelids.

And to think that she was slowly bleeding out as they spoke.

“Don’t you even start with me right now, Faith,” he said as he turned around from his desk, trying to recompose himself. He knew he couldn’t fall into panic, but this was not the time to just play everything off like it was no big deal either. This was a _huge_ deal. It was a life or death deal. “Lie down, or so god help me, and I’ll get Holster.”

He paused for a moment as he fiddled with his badge hanging by his hip, feeling his heart hammering in his throat. And his voice almost didn’t carry him when he spoke up again.

“Hang in there, Believer.”

“It’ll all be fine, Jumbo,” she argued in that oddly comforting tone again, but Ransom could hear her struggling to lie down at the other end of the line. “I have faith.”

“Yeah, we all need some hope right now.” Spreading his fingers wide against the pristine, white wall as he slowly got control of his breathing again, he realized that he was dangerously close of getting lost in his own head, and he violently shook out of it. “Just lie down, and I’ll get Holster.”

And Ransom could hear her smile in her voice.

“I know you will.”

* * *

“Holtz? It’s Believer.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“ _Shit_.”

Words were superfluous after that. Always had been between them. Holster knew what he had to do.

And so he hung up, allowing himself to stare at Ransom’s smiling face at his phone for a few moments before he looked up at his client again. She was an austere and uptight old woman, with a squeaky voice and diamond earrings probably worth more than Holster and Ransom’s mortgage, and was denser than a rubber duck.

And why had he ever thought going into services would be a good idea?

“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I have to go right now.”

“What?” She said in that glaring voice of hers, and Holster only just kept himself from flinching, his patience worn painfully thin. “But we’re not done!”

“My…” He trailed off as he struggled how to put this the best way. He somehow doubted admitting that he was going to pick up his husband’s cousin so that she could have her fatherless child would help the situation. “Sister’s having a baby. Her husband died. The Genovia war. Very horrible. She’s all alone, and has 3 kids already, no one else to help her out.”

He had subconsciously found it amusing watching how her eyes had steadily widened in horror, until she was not staring at him, completely aghast. But he had too many possible responsibilities hanging over his shoulders to really find pleasure in it.

“Oh my god, you have to go right now!”

“ _Yeah_ ,” he agreed, and prayed to god that she wouldn’t detect his poorly veiled sarcasm as he rose from his seat to escort her out of his office. But if her knowledge in finances was anything to go by, he was quite safe. “I promise you I’ll get you an appointment again next week, and I’m so sorry, yeah, bye bye!”

He tried to convince himself that he hadn’t _literally_ thrown her out as he struggled to lock the door behind her with shaking hands. Allowing himself a few moments to collect himself, palms pressed tightly against the wooden door in front of him, he took a deep breath.

Then he turned around, grabbed his coat, and made his way out the back door.

* * *

Ransom had tried to return to work.

But he had not been able to really get rid of the state he had worked himself into, and had all but been kicked out of the lab by his colleagues. And really, they only had his best interest at heart, saying that he deserved to take this time off to focus on his family.

But what that had really meant was that he had just had more time pacing around the entrance of the maternity unit for an unreasonably long time instead. The receptionist was starting to give him weary glances, but he couldn’t really care less as he watched the minutes slowly ticking by on his phone, gripped tightly in his hands.

Then, _finally_ , as he had glanced up at the entrance doors for maybe the millionth time, there they were. Holster, standing tall and steadfast as he always did, above the wheelchair that Faith was slumped into.

Ransom immediately stalked over to them, feeling some of his breath finally returning to him as he could feel Holster’s presence again. But his eyes must have still betrayed his worry, because Faith just smiled at him tiredly, and grabbed hold of the hand he had unconsciously reached out to her.

“It’s all going to be fine, Jumbo.”

“I want to believe that,” he murmured as he clutched onto her hand, studying her pallid cheeks and shallow eyes, and he could tell she had already lost _so much blood._

“You will.”

But Ransom had never been a man of Believer’s faith, he was a man of science and cold hard facts, and he released her hand as he turned around in search for assistance. Meeting the eyes of an approaching nurse, he immediately started listing off his requirements. The nurse, a middle aged woman with fiery hair and wise eyes, allowed him to let out all his commands, but then just smiled at him warmly.

“With all due respect, Dr. Oluransi, but you’re not on duty right now. You’re family.”

The words knocked him back a little, and he had to reassert himself as he watched another nurse taking over Faith from Holster, walking with brisk steps as he wheeled her down the bright corridor.

“Yeah. Yeah, right, sorry,” he offered the first nurse, but she just gave him an understanding look before following the small procession that had gathered around Faith.

Leaving Ransom by himself.

“Hey,” Holster murmured, immediately by his side, “I’m here.” He substantiated his declaration by extending his hand, which Ransom gratefully grabbed hold of, feeling some of his fear being tamed by the slow pressure of Holster’s thumb against his knuckles. “It’s gonna be fine.”

Watching Faith and her little team of nurses and midwives disappearing into one of the more advanced delivery rooms, his heart beating high in his throat, he allowed himself to lean further into his husband’s embrace.

“I sure hope so.”

* * *

The seconds ticked by tortuously slow.

Ransom had taken up pacing again, anxiety and dread prickling under his skin and making it impossible to stand still, which meant he was walking up and down the short strip of floor between the two walls of the waiting room that Holster had directed them too. For every minute that passed he felt the walls slowly creeping in closer, and his own panic pressing in his chest, but he forced it down with deep and steady breaths. 

He was mildly aware that he was still wearing his scrubs, and that they were unpleasantly soaked through with cold sweat, but he really couldn’t care less.

Holster was sitting behind him, seemingly calm apart from the nervous leg that was jumping up and down as he fiddled with his phone. They had called Faith’s parents, who had booked the first flight down from Toronto, and her siblings. Holster had asked, with an apprehensive glance, if they should call Ransom’s parents too. But Ransom had just shook his head.

He didn’t want them to have to worry about the unknown too. He would call them when he had news to tell them.

Which was apparently taking _hours_ to procure.

He hated feeling this helpless. He had slowly realized, along the years, that he was partly a martyr when it came to his loved ones. He was ready to do anything, to sacrifice _everything_ , if it meant that he could ease even just some of the suffering of those he cared about. And not being able to do anything to help Faith was slowly driving him mad.

And he was just about to crawl out of his own skin, half a mind away from curling up next to Holster and allowing him to hold him while he shivered pathetically, when a young and fresh faced midwife came out to meet them. Ransom immediately swiveled on her, both hope and dread rising so quickly in his heart he was sure it was going to burst from it.

But instead it shattered at the look of sorrow in her inexperienced eyes.

“I’m so sorry.”

“No,” Ransom cut her off. He refused to believe it, and wouldn’t hear another word of it. His legs gave out, and he noticed himself sliding down along the wall beside him, but it was if it was all happening to someone else, seeing how his own world had dropped out from under his feet and he was falling through an empty nothingness. “ _No._ ”

“Babe.” Holster was immediately on his knees in front of him, expensive dress pants and coat dragging in the hospital dust, but Ransom couldn’t care less as he dug his fingers into the soft fabric of his shirt, clinging on to the one constant thing in his shattered universe.

“But we have a beautiful little…” The midwife tried feebly, but Ransom was distantly aware of Holster waving her off before pulling him closer.

“Rans. Rans,” he murmured over and over, lips pressed to his temple and hands steady on his shoulders as Ransom accepted the impossible.

And Holster held him together as he fell apart.

* * *

Ransom would never know how much time had passed before he regained control of his consciousness again.

The first thing he was aware of was the feeling of Holster’s own wet cheek pressed against his shoulder, and the slow pressure of his thumb rubbing across his knuckles. He pressed his face into Holster’s chest, the shirt surely already ruined by now, and allowed himself to shed his last tears. Holster’s arms wound closer around him, and his low voice soothed him through it slowly.

He was far from done from grieving, but this was all his body could provide at the moment. So sitting up straighter in Holster’s arms, he raised his own hands to his cheeks in an attempt to wipe them dry, and sniffed miserably. He needed to recover before he could even begin to process this properly.

Not that he really wanted to.

Holster eyed him inquiringly before he raised a hand to cup his cheek.

“You okay?” He murmured as he rubbed small circles into the top of Ransom’s cheekbone.

“No,” Ransom answered honestly, his voice breaking on the one syllable. But after one last sniffle he moved to stand up, every muscle in his body protesting, every joint aching, but he helped Holster up to his feet too. They helped each other over to the chairs on the other side of the waiting room, and sat down.

Then they waited.

After a moment, Ransom really couldn’t tell how long, seeing how he had somewhat lost touch of time and space, the nurse from earlier came out to meet them. Ransom first now noticed that she had laughter lines around her eyes, and that her eyes, a warm and steady shade of brown, held an evidently unshakable calm. And she smiled at him securely before she addressed him.

“I know a small baby girl who is very eager to meet her family.”

Holster tightened his hold on his hand before giving him a questioning look. Ransom nodded, before drying the last remnants of his tears and allowing the nurse to lead the way.

She was kept in the intensive care nursery, as the nurse explained was protocol, but she wasn’t contained to a scarily advanced incubator or hooked up to unnecessarily many IV’s. And to Ransom’s untrained eye she looked healthy. 

But she was just so _small._

He was the first one to properly hold his cousin niece, _his daughter_ , but not after having made sure that it was completely safe, confirmed by a smiling midwife. She was not only small, but light and _fragile_. And defenseless and vulnerable and _small_. And he had thought that he was all out of tears, but as she settled in his arms with the softest of sighs, he immediately started crying again. But just as usual, Holster was right by his side, supporting him and holding him upright. 

The nurse eyed him pensively, but noticing how he was still somewhat present, she seemed to find her nerve again.

“Faith had time to hold her before she passed away. She had time to feel her mother’s heartbeat.”

Ransom’s own heart contracted at that. It was a small comfort, but a comfort nonetheless. Ransom looked up at the nurse again, allowed himself to be anchored in her warm and steady eyes, and begged her to understand the immensity of his gratitude.

“Thank you.”

He wasn’t even sure if his own voice had been audible, but she smiled at him reassuringly again, before letting her gaze flick down to the baby apparently having fallen asleep in Ransom’s arms.

“I’ll leave you to it.”

Ransom watched her leave, but then immediately let his eyes fall back to the tiny little creature cradled in his arms. He was afraid to move, scared that he would wake her, or worse, _break her_ , and it was with a shaky hand and breathing that he carefully raised a thumb to gently rub against the tuft of dark hair on her small head.

“Your mama had faith that you would be the best thing in her life,” he said, his voice barely carrying through. He had no idea where the words were coming from, all he knew was that he needed to voice them before they disappeared again. “She believed in you. She had hope in you.”

“Hope,” Holster murmured, pressing closer, his eyes also fixed on the little girl in Ransom’s arms.

“What?” Ransom asked around another snivel.

Holster smiled ruefully before turning to look back at him.

“She’s the Hope to our Faith.”

Ransom took a few moments to process the words, before letting his eyes return to the peacefully sleeping girl in his arms.

“Hope.”

* * *

They had all moved into Faith’s house.

It had only seemed like the most logical solution in the direct aftermath, and then in the long run too. The home was already baby proofed and ready to receive a delicate little human being, which it was painfully clear that their messy townhouse was not. Ransom also had this tiny little voice at the back of his head telling him that it would have been something Faith would have wanted, and he decided to trust it.

Ransom also didn’t have the heart to tear out the nursery that she had so meticulously decorated, and then just sell it off to some strangers.

It had felt weird invading her space at first. But he had steadily reminded himself that they were doing it for Hope’s sake, and soon the little cottage had felt like more of a home than their old townhouse had ever done. And, in the end, the one having most trouble with the move had been Harry.

Their friends had been an invaluable help and support those first chaotic weeks.

Jack had clasped Ransom firmly on the shoulder and told him that it was a constant learning process, but that it got easier with each passing day. Bitty had been a literal angel and driven over with an entire fridge’s worth of tupperware as they had been at their wits end of how to even sleep properly. Shitty had proclaimed that this would all be “easy as pie” before he promptly started making funny faces at the girl in question, who had giggled in delight and impotently tried to grab hold of his moustache. Lardo had silently wrapped her arms around Holster’s midsection, him just staring at her in confusion, before she had started chanting “it’s okay, big guy, _it’s okay_ ,” and he had slumped against her, wrapping his arms around her in return.

The frogs had sent an entire rucksack of onesies in various sizes and designs, which Ransom entirely credited Farmer for.

And Jack had, unsurprisingly really, been right. Ransom would probably never truly feel like he knew what he was doing, but that fact did get easier and easier to accept with every passing day. Hope really didn’t know what was going on either, and they were all learning together.

Which was how Ransom had found himself some time later, Hope just shy of two months old, spewing nonsense as he marvelled over her strenght, and of how much it reminded him of her mama’s. He had been swept up in the concept of fatherhood in a way he had never imagined. It was… Exciting. There was so much to learn and see and do, for all of them. There was so much he wanted to tell Hope, about the world, himself, Holster. About her mama.

But he had resolved to take it all one day at a time.

“Do you know that your father is the _biggest_ nerd? Like, it’s ridiculous. He’s so lame. But don’t worry, you’ll always have me to…”

“Don’t listen to him, your baba can recite the periodic table _backwards_. We’re both nerds. There’s no escaping us, sorry sweetheart.”

Holster threw himself down on the couch next to Ransom, a burping towel slung over his shoulder, and Hope eyes him curiously around the bottle Ransom had been feeding her. Holster immediately pulled a face at her, which predictably had her giggling madly, making formula spill down her chin. Ransom swatted an annoyed hand across his husband’s arm, before stealing the towel he had brought to clean up the mess, while Holster just gasped in faux indignation.

After Hope had finished eating Holster draped his arm across Ransom’s shoulder and dragged them both into his impossibly big embrace. Ransom only complied after Holster had murmured a chastened “sorry” with a pouting lower lip, but then settled against his side as he allowed his weariness to wash over him. Bertha limped over to them and rested her head in Holster’s lap, tongue lolling out as Ransom reached over to rub her ears gently.

“Do you really think we can do this?”

The question escaped his lips before he had time to think about it, and his throat turned dry as he shifted his gaze up to Holster’s, the old and familiar worry gnawing at the back of his head. He distantly wondered if it would ever go away, and a voice that sounded an awful a lot like Jack told him that it probably wouldn’t, but that it could be learnt how to live with.

And Holster just smiled at him brilliantly.

“I really do,” he said as he reached out to stroke their daughter's cheek with surprising gentleness. “Faith believed in us.”

“Believer had hope in us.”

“And we’ll always have Faith in Hope.”

Ransom smiled slowly as he looked at his gigantically ridiculous husband, something akin to ease settling in his chest, before leaning over to kiss him softly. Of course Hope chose that exact moment to whine miserably.

“Oh, I’m sorry baby, but you’re going to have to see _so much_ gross things. Your mama was planning on raising you with the worst thing you’d have to see being her vacuum clean in her underwear, but man. You’re not only gonna have to watch us kiss, but hug, and _hold hands_ , and make mooneyes at each other, not to speak of the secret handshakes, and… Oh, shit, Rans, we need a _family_ handshake, it’s gonna be ‘swasome…”

And Ransom continued to smile to himself as he listened to Holster blabber on, the family he had never planned but got thrown together anyway maybe just being the greatest thing that had ever happened to him.

* * *

Hope Birkholtz-Oluransi grew up to be a strong and beautiful young girl.

She had Holster’s brashness, Ransom’s diligence and Believer’s unwavering amiability. She also had her mama’s unruly curls, bright eyes and tinkling laughter.

Ransom had trouble looking at her some days, every move she made or every word she said reminding him so much of Believer that he found it difficult to breathe. But the young girl, that he had watched grow and learn and love, was also one of the two things that always helped anchor him in the present when everything else threatened to drown him out.

She was one of the two things he cherished most in the entire world.

And he slowly learned how to cherish Believer’s memory through Hope.

It was a strange little family they had strung together for themselves, but Ransom wouldn’t have it any other way. With Hope’s forthright personality, she had never had any trouble proudly declaring that her father-persons were actually her second uncles, that her mother had died while fearlessly bringing her into the world, and that she loved her dads most in the entire universe. She had never had any trouble juggling her mess of mixed heritages, or the prejudice that her peculiar situation had put her in.

That was just one of many ways she was a lot like her mama.

So Hope grew and learned and loved, always with a tinkling laughter on the tip of her tongue, Ransom and Holster floundering to keep up with her, but doing so with nothing but joy and adoration in their hearts.

And they kept a picture of her mama in their home, all vowing to never lose Faith.

**Author's Note:**

> **DISCLAIMER: I KNOW NOTHING OF CHILDBIRTH.**
> 
> Well. I know _some_ things. I have tried to do my research on this, but it isn’t that easy?? I truly feel like childbirth is one of the greatest mysteries of life that no one wants you to know about. Anyhow, I took a lot of artistic liberties with Faith’s condition, and I do not in any way claim it to be medically accurate. _Lord_ knows it isn’t.
> 
> But yeah!! Here it is! God, this has been such a long time coming, and I think you can notice that in the text? It's _very_ fractured, because it's been written over such a long period of time. I've tried my best to try and stitch it together, but I don't know how well I accomplished that. Oh well. This was just an idea that would not leave my head until I had it written down, and now here it is.
> 
> I think we'll just leave it at that.
> 
> ~~Also, it's 4am and I haven't slept properly in a week.~~
> 
> But you can always come scream with me about these precious nerds over at [tumblr](http://stolligaseptember.tumblr.com/)!!


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